||[Oct. 22nd, 2008|01:56 am]
|||||winter by bayside||]|
I feel like the biggest piece of shit. I'm still dating katie its been over five months. I should have ended it long ago because I kno she's not the one for me and I find it hard to believe she doesn't know this. She's a great person and she doesn't deserve this. I'm just in a terrible state right now. I figured I would have been over julie by now and here we are ten months after we've broken up and I'm still infatuated with her. It scares me so much. Seeing her pictures even upsets me. She meant to much to me I've been so down lately feeling like no one will ever make me feel as good as she did. I reflect the times with her as some of my happiest. I feel like I'm falling back into last winters stance of saddness. The last few ays I've spent hiding in my room away from everyone. I don't know what puts me in this funk. It could be the suspense of seeing her saturday at briannas birthday party. The thought of it has been making me nervous the last few days. Its so stupid because I don't know what I'm expecting from this its just going to be an evening ending in me being sad. She has left me in the past. I wish I could leave her in the past. For now I just need to be on my own. I need to work on school and improving myself. I feel I've got potential for big things well see. Things haven't been all bad I can say. Last friday I went to the something in the mix premier at johnny cupcakes. Johnny cupcakes is a clothing line that originated in massachusetts by a self made man john earle drummer of this hardcore band on broken wings. I camped out with jeremy ryan and nick from 3 30 to 11 to finally go in the store and get these exclusive limited edition t shirt and to meet johnny cupcakes himself. It was a sick experience he's a nice guy he's down to earth hasn't let the fame go to his head. He made time to talk and sign autographs with everybody. I even got a picture with him. It was such a experience. I plan on showing my suppor tand going to the next premier as well. That was probably the best thing to happen to me of recently. I need to get sleep I got class at 10. I just needed to vent badly.