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i was talking to alex the other night and he made me realize that… - js0292 [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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[May. 9th, 2009|01:40 am]
i was talking to alex the other night and he made me realize that maybe all this time me writing on this was my way of venting and its not lame. so i decided to take it the next step and oonvert all my postings to paper, and continue writing in the journal. i like looking back and seeing the ups and downs of my life. i try to stay posotive but of recent i dont know how. i still havent found a hobby and it sucks. i dont go to school anymore due to absences, whatever thats my fault. adleast i can say that i realized what i want out of life and i know how i feel. all i really want from my life is what i feel everyone wants and thats just to love somebody unconditionally and have that love returned. Loves just something thats not easy to come by. MY feelings have been so negative. i get the feeling that no matter how much i search or try no ones every going to truly understand me. I dont think i fit in with anybody and its sad. i dread that i only understand myself and that im just going to hold in all my emotions and thought to myself because its not worth the ridicule i get from my "friends" i really dont even know who my friends are. Deep down i dont trust anyone or consider anyone my bestfriend. im basically alone just weathering the storm by myself. its gets me down sometimes feeling that im abnormal and just cant fit in amongst everyone in this world. i keep trying though searching for the exceptance from my peers that i seek but will probably never get.