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js0292

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(no subject) [Mar. 25th, 2008|02:01 pm]
js0292
[Current Music |ending in tragedy- new found glory]

I guess ill sum up the last three days right about now. Well julies a spineless bitch. Turns out for over a month now she's been dating some red headed fag n a hardcore band. I had to hear it from my friends. I told her to never talk to me again and that she had no guts. She had nerve to tell me that her intentions were good. Bullshit I'm at home trying to make some sort of friendship with her while she's with him she's shit. I know I'm an asshole but not many people deserve this. My first relationship with the sweetest girl I could ever imagine and she caused me more pain than anyone has. I guess the people who end up hurting you are the ones you would least expect. Everythings just been so shitty lately. I want people in my life that I can actually trust. I'm still waiting for things to get better no luck yet.
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(no subject) [Mar. 21st, 2008|07:03 pm]
js0292
[Current Mood |worriedworried]

days are going so slow. im so bored of everything. i did driving school and have already comppleted three on roads. i just cant wait to have my license. well i take my GED in exactly a month. so im starting to get things together i just still really need a job. i havent talked to julie in two weeks we were supposed to hangout wednesday but it rolled around and no call or text so obviously shes making it clear she doesnt want to hang out with me and i mean shit to her. so friends isnt going to happen either. i just need to forget about her. i am still planning on moving out next year. and after that im going to boston if not i will probably move down south with my mom. I just know that i need to get out of western mass this is not where i want to be. Things arent ever going to be good as long as im stuck here so i need to get things straight and get out. Its not right when im sick of everyone including my best friends im just not having any fun. im trying to pull myself together but i just need things to start getting better. im exhausted from being upset all the time. These are no where near the best years of my life.
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(no subject) [Mar. 14th, 2008|01:14 am]
js0292
Still nothings better I cry everyday and I'm sick of missing her wen she could careless if I was alive I want to disappear I'm sick of this feeling she left me feeling so alone and I'm sick of it I want to leave and never comeback no one cares anyways so it wouldn't matter anyways if I left.
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(no subject) [Mar. 5th, 2008|11:54 pm]
js0292
[Current Mood |sadsad]
[Current Music |kill switch arms of sorrow]

So same shit I don't know why I decided to post today because everythings exactly the same. Morgan left yesterday for basic training he's gone for 8 weeks I told him how much respect I have for him, I know he will make it through easily. It sucks that he's gone though he's a fun kid to be around. Other than that I got therapy tomorro I'm going on medication well see what it does if it will make me happy or what not idk that's really all I have to say.
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(no subject) [Mar. 3rd, 2008|12:11 am]
js0292
[Current Mood |depresseddepressed]

At times I've wished I had tha balls to actually get red of myself. I'm so done with depression I need to find some ray of happiness. I need that to happen or I'm just gonna snap. I can't deal with everything being this bad I just remember how perfect everything was before christmas. I had a g/f who loved me and a few good friends everything seemed in focus she was in my life and always there and we would snuggle and nap it was nice. My friends were there for me and since then I've been so upset and angry and filld with rage I don't feel the same I haven't been the same since then I'm losing all hope
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(no subject) [Feb. 26th, 2008|03:34 pm]
js0292
[Current Mood |crappycrappy]

I've been sick the last two days so I fel like complete shit. I'm really sick of everything I'm done hanging out with people I'm pretty much going solo. People suck so whatever not a big deal. I'm sick of thinking about julie everyday it doenst get any better she really has affected my life badly. My days are never good I'm just sick of the same thing even weekends. Everythings just gotten really boring. I need things to change but they won't. I really just want to get my license so I can get out of here. I'm going to go nap.
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(no subject) [Feb. 23rd, 2008|02:39 am]
js0292
Today I got snowed n and stuck at home I was supposed to go to my last day of driving but it was cancelled so I sat here n my living room all day. I'm sick of being bored n unhappy I need a change I wish for this every day but it doesn't happen. I want julie to talk to me but she won't ever I have to contact her she's gonna let us fall apart. It makes me feel so bad I haven't bene the same since we broke up I barely sleep I barely eat I'm barely getting by I feel dead like I'm just dragging myself around. This isn't the world I want to live in I don't deserve to be this miserable and unhappy. I guess I just have to keep strong
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(no subject) [Feb. 18th, 2008|08:28 pm]
js0292
I feel more hopeless everyday. I really need something good to happen it just feels like nothing will. This isn't living this is suffering. I need to get out of this place there's got to be happiness. I need to leave julie in the past she says she wants to be friends but I can tell she has no interest of me in her life. I had my first day of driving school today it dragged on for so long. I went to panera bread at the lunch break sat there listened to music and drank hot chocolate. After I get done with driving school I just wanna hide in my house. I don't even want to hang out with people I really just want to hide from the world. There's nothing good here anyways.
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(no subject) [Feb. 17th, 2008|12:13 am]
js0292
Things feel like their never getting better. I always feel paranoid n nervous I'm gonna give myself a heart attack at the rate I'm going lol. I'm doing driving school all week. I wanna meet some one new to take my mind off of everything old I feel like I don't have much going for me. No place is yet to hire me so I'm bored I just want a job so ill be busy and only see the people I really want to see. =/
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im living in hell [Feb. 13th, 2008|09:04 pm]
js0292
[Current Mood |cynicalcynical]

5 weeks has flown by doesnt feel like it at all feels like every days so slow. so far whats happened would b me and julie will never get back together that hurts. i see a therapist hes a nice guy named arthur. ive been going for the past 3 weeks so far i think it helps being able to tell some one everything in my life just to vent. he wants to put me on anti depressants i really dont want that though. i dropped out of school. i'm not going to be a loser though i have big plans im going to get my GED n two weeks because i have driving school all next week. then in september i start classes at STCC so its not like im going to do nothing with my life. i need something good to happen in my life though everythings just upsetting and boring its shitty that nothing or no one makes me happy anymore. i really want julie to be my friend but i feel like she could careless if im included in her life anymore sucks that after 9 months things can be like that. my anger has been at its worst lately ive been on a destruction path just breaking things in my house and i dont know why =/. i really need a vacation that could help. well somethings gotta change. i need some short term goals because everything im aiming for is a while away. so far my goals are

1) doing driving school

2) getting a job

3) getting my GED

4) on roads

5) buy a car

6) start school at STCC or HCC in september.

7) moving out any getting an apartment with robbie when i turn 18.

i feel like i can achieve all of these but a lot of them are months in the future. ill just have to see where things take me.
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